Friendship, love, marriage

Daily we can see people proclaiming there love out load in the bulletins, or other announcing their marriage with pump and circumstances, and it always make me a bit scared, especially when it concerns dear friends.

Don’t misunderstand me I have the deepest respect for any of my friends, going on the emo tour, but it’s the virtual aspect of it that scares me off.

We don’t have to forget that in RLC, IMVU, SL or any other 3D world; we are always a mouse click away from the black screen. (= a spilt)

As already so much people said before me, all this virtual worlds are not just “games” but they are an exchange of emotions between people of flesh and blood sitting behind a keyboard. So it’s not as innocent as we generally think.

It’s also a kind of a drug: it fades away the real world and becomes easily addictive. So as drugs it can cause a lot of damage on the long run.

Sometimes somebody disappear from RLC and it makes us sad as we loose a loved one. If it is to an other 3D world, it must be not such a good friend or lover, as he or she had other options then the relationship with you and other RLC friends.

We also regret when an other friend leaves for the real world. That is something we have to face in every situations. On second thought it’s perhaps the person who leave, who comes to her (or his) senses again, as she or he choose for the real thing instead of the virtual relation.

Virtual marriage is one step further. I am not sure to get the meaning of it. If in real live it’s only a written commitment (contract) to protect and consolidate (?) a couple’s live in an administrative way, in a virtual relationship it can only be a sign to the circle of friends about a close relationship. In a lot of cases these “official” relations fade away and you never heard from them again. We always forget one thing: RLC is one big Passion Pit, where on every corner you can run into the partner of your dreams (at least according to his or her profile), so the temptation is everywhere. In virtual live there are no boundaries and the mind is strong but the flesh is week.

RLC is a wonderful place for making friends and having fun, if you like to go further, you always need to keep one foot in the real world. If you are so caught by this world, I advice you from time to time to look at the back of your screen, there is nobody, that is one of the advantages of the real world, where you can really touch somebody, kiss and make love.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention some of you who take the risk to link virtual and real world. Personally I am against it (I know what I am talking about, I did it ones) In most of cases that step is a deception, as we all “improve” a bit our personality here in RLC and the circumstances of real live also affect our live. Sometimes, in very rare cases it works, but it needs a compromise, a lot more then you have to in a 100% real live experience, as you have to fight the fantasies you earlier build up during your virtual relation.

As I already said in other issues, this is my personal view, but it’s also a little advice to my close friends. I don’t want them to get hurt. We all come here to meet friends, exchange ideas and having fun. If it’s for sorrow I think real live bring that enough already.

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(Hard) Erotic pictures

Since I am on RLC is quite common that people ask me to make hard porn pictures of myself and send these pictures to them (mostly on an e-mail address), always pretending that it’s for there own “use”. I am sure that a lot of you had the same experience. I hope that you didn’t felt in that trap. These pictures, if the are very revealing and of good quality, mostly end up on pay porn site. Once these are on the net, they will be copy by anyone, over and over again. They people who request this kind of pictures could be male or female; you’re never sure with who you are dealing. It could be even a professional organization. So think well about the consequences of this. You could regret it bitterly one day.

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"Would be" Masters or mistress

I am always surprised by the important number of people on RLC who are interested or playing BDSM games. Most of these people are just curious. That’s a good thing, but you can’t forget that what’s going on in here has little to do with real BDSM. Unfortunately it seems that some people find it necessary to pretend to be Masters or Mistresses and give a totally wrong idea of this kind of life style. I am not an expert, far from that, but I can tell you that a lot of them are great pretenders, disguised sadist or just frustrated people , who had probably problems with there mother when they were young. (Dixit Freud).

- Last week I met an old friend. She was with her Mistress, but first I didn’t realize that. I said hello to her and she said hello back. Her Mistress became very angry as she wasn’t supposed to talk to anybody.

- This morning I had the bad luck to met one of these “would be Mistress” in a public place on RLC. She seems to find it necessary to aggress people (verbally) to prove her (in)capacity of power on others.

In these two cases the Mistress (or Master) is probably somebody who is very frustrated in real life and dominated by her (his) environment. They come to RLC to work out their frustrations by imposing there own mental suffering on others.
Despite what so many think, a good Master or Mistress is respectful and loyal. The relation between Dom and sub is one of trust and loyalty. For somebody who is not familiar to this lifestyle, it seems very contradictory that subs have equal power to Doms and in some cases even more. The Dom has much more responsibilities. A BDSM play is an extension of a sensual play, so it’s a subtle mix of emotions and physical feelings. But the sensual play always has to go in two directions. The both partners have to enjoy, each in their own way.

If it’s only a way to be forced by somebody to do things you don’t like, run as fast as you can, you got in the hands of the wrong person.
So watch out and enjoy.

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Adult online game TV: Lola movies

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Adult online game TV: To day? Half naked chicks dancing ;-)

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Adult online game TV: Gay love in Red Light Center

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Rays, points and Prizes

Can you earn cash and prizes just for surfing around to your friends profiles? You bet!

Here's the info on the Rays, Points and Prizes that you're earning right now!

The Basics:

Users will earn Rays and Points for doing fun things within the Red Light Center Virtual World and Social Center.

Rays (and Particles) will be the cash that you use to buy things within the Virtual World and the Social Center (such as Gifts, Possessions - like special clothes, furnishings for Zaby's, unique animations like special dance moves and sex moves; Rays will also be used to buy tickets to limited events; and Rays will be traded by users to each other for other goods and services).

YES! YOU ARE PERMITTED TO BUY AND SELL RAYS FOR CASH in private or in auctions ? however you like.

Points come in four varieties: Popularity, Karma, Sexiness and Friendliness. Click on the "tips" button beside each point-type to see how to earn those points. Points have a limited lifetime, so you will start to lose points if you stop earning them.

You will be able to include points in your searches (so you can find people with high point-levels if you are looking for sexy, friendly, kind or popular people?)

In addition, Points earn you PRIZES!

One main PRIZE that you can earn is a BADGE in the Virtual World if you get a level 9 Title!

Points will also unlock special animations. Different points will unlock new animations for you at high levels. Once you've earned an animation, it is yours to keep; however, if you earn a Badge, it is only yours for as long as you keep enough points so that you are Level 9.

Here is a quick-guide to the Titles that you can earn and what it takes to get them. Note that for Popularity Titles, you must have at least the same level of Karma. So, for example, if you are Popularity level 6, but Karma level 3, you only get the level 3 Popularity title?

Title Level Popularity Karma Title Sexiness Title Friendliness Title
2 20 10 Wall Flower 10 Virgin 10 Moocher
3 50 25 Chiller 30 Experimenting 30 Acquaintance
4 100 50 Cool Guy/Gal 75 Open Minded 75 Companion
5 200 85 Krunky 150 Horndog / Biatch 150 Buddy
6 500 125 Big Shot 250 Pimp / Slut 250 Amigo
7 1000 200 Magnate 450 Sex Master / Mistress 450 Best Friend
8 2000 300 Celebrity 900 Porn Star 900 Brother / Sister
9* 5000 450 Cyber-Star 1500 Sex God / Goddess 1500 Kindred Spirit
* RLC Badges

NOTE: You cannot get a Level 8 Title unless you have given someone a Level 8 Gift; and you cannot get a Badge unless you have given someone a Level 9 Gift.

Here is a chart of Gift Levels, costs, and examples:

Level Cost Range in Rays Examples
1 0-10 (earns no Karma) No Level 1 gifts yet
2 11-20 Red Rose, Beer, Chocolate Kiss, Chicken Soup, Cards
3 21-50 Houseplant, Box of Chocolates, Teddy Bear, Kissy Lips
4 51-100 Dozen Roses, Birthday Cake, Bottle Wine, Balloons
5 101-200 Champagne, Friendship ring, Dinner for 2
6 201-500 Promise Ring, Aged Scotch, Romantic Evening, Day-spa
7 501-1000 Weekend Vacation, Top-shelf wine, Tennis bracelet, Bike
8 1001-2500 Diamond Ring, Cruise, Jet-ski, Hot-tub
9 2501+ Pearl Necklace, cars/vehicles, Luxury Cruise

More Details? Here you go?

Rays, Points and Possessions: A Quick Overview

Rays are the currency that will be used for transactions within Red Light Center, and later, throughout the Utherverse Virtual World Web.

Users can earn Rays for doing the things that they already enjoy doing. Some of those activities are described below. There are other ways to earn Rays, which you will have to figure out for yourselves.

Rays will be used for everything from buying Gifts to tipping erotic dancers. They will be available to give, trade and sell to other users.

(Partial Rays are called "Particles" Thus, ?5.65 is 5 Rays and 65 Particles).


Points, on the other hand, are earned by the user, and they cannot be given or traded. While Rays will never go away unless they are transferred by the user (subject to exceptions in our terms of service), POINTS DECAY OVER TIME. So, if a user earns 1000 Popularity points and then stops playing for two months, they will come back to find that they may have only 250 Popularity points left. If you stay away for too long, you may have zero!

Points are used for lots of things. They will help you in your search result rankings, and users will be able to add points as a search criteria (thus, only show people with at least 50 Karma points, or at least 500 sexiness points)

As you earn more points in any category, you can earn better titles. If you hit a high enough level, those titles can become badges that appear for you within RLC! Points will also be used to "unlock" certain special animations. Thus, with enough Friendliness points, you may find that you suddenly have special dance moves. Sexiness points may unlock, well, I bet you can guess what those would unlock ;)

This system is designed to be brought up in THREE PHASES. We are currently at the beginning of PHASE ONE:

Phase One: Rays are available to be earned, but they cannot be traded or spent. Popularity, Sexiness and Friendliness points can be earned, and users can achieve Titles, but badges are not available. No animations can be unlocked by points in this phase. Popularity Titles do not require Karma points to activate. (In later phases, you cannot earn a title with Popularity points alone. Karma points will be needed to activate the Popularity titles).

Phase Two: Web gifts become available. Giving a web gift will earn you Karma points. Web gifts cost Rays, and higher priced gifts earn you more Karma. The recipient of the gift earns Popularity points (higher value gifts also generate more Popularity points). Rays can be traded in this phase, and therefore, they can also be sold for cash (if you can find a buyer). Karma points will now be required to earn the Popularity/Karma titles.

Phase Three: Badges are now available for use in RLC when they are earned by having enough points. Animations can now be unlocked if users have enough points (once you earn an animation, it is yours to keep, even if you don't maintain the points needed for that animation). LATE THIRD PHASE: Gifts are now ported into RLC, so when you get a gift, it can be used by your avatar or in your Zaby!

How to earn Rays and Points:

Rays can be earned by doing anything from simply logging in to the social center to rating a picture or profile. When you upload pictures, make a blog entry, or get someone to view your profile, you'll earn Rays. (There are limits to how many Rays you can earn per day or per month for various activities).

If you want to earn sick amounts of Rays, try inviting a friend to join RLC. If you bring in a Basic user, you earn Rays! (You are welcome to participate in the Affiliate Program as well, so you can earn both Cash and Rays for inviting someone to try RLC out). Of course, if the user becomes VIP, you earn even more Rays :)

Points are earned for doing other kinds of things.

Adding friends, or getting added as a friend will earn you points. Getting your photos rated 9 or 10 earns you points, and if you have VIP pictures, you earn more points than you earn for basic pictures.

In phase 2 and 3, you will start earning points for doing things within RLC. So, when you spend time in RLC you earn points, when you, ahem, "fool around" with other users, you'll earn points and so on.

In phase 2, gifts will become available, and with them, Karma points! You'll earn Karma by giving gifts. Karma is largely used to modify other points, and Karma points will be needed to earn your proper titles and badges

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What is RLC?

Well to some this is a game to be played like many other MMORPGs, to others this is their social life and to others this is a "safe dating" environment.

Well I have to tell you that I really am tired of hearing that this is just a game.

All of the ppl that think this is just a game, either have no heart or they think that on the other side of the computer screen is a robot without feelings.

To all of you players out there and you know who you are, I tell you that there are many ladies that have sat and shed real tears because you had tossed them aside without a word or lied to them and told them some great story about you helping a friend or someone in need.

I can only say that the person you are here in this world is not really that far off from the person you are in real life.

You should take a good long look at yourself.

In this place real ppl make friends, find love, get a broken heart, lose friendships they value and share with a person they have come to trust things that have affected them in their real everyday lives.

This is just as it is stated "A Social Network for Adults".

In this world we find there are ppl that in real life that would be classified as a stalker (ppl that put you on their friend list without asking or sending a request in order to find you anywhere you may be in the RLC world), then you have those that are rude and ignorant that speak before they think and cause others pain with their words or actions, then you have the friends (ppl that really want to be your friend and they don’t care what you do in real life or what letters you have in front or behind your name they only see the person you really are; the one that comes from the mind and heart of the person on the other side of the computer screen, using a keyboard to express themselves to you.) and then there is the person you fall in love with (you have a strong pull to this person and you look forward to being with them. Your day seems to have more meaning and your troubles seem less when they are near. All you want to do is be with this person anyway you can.)

So to all of you ppl that still have no clue that this is more then just a game, I feel sorry for you.

Although I do ask that if you think before you speak and allow others the freedom to enjoy this world the way they choose to.

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What Red Light Center type are you?

This quiz is intended for users of RLC to explore which type of personality they have in the game. Several different types are identified in the quiz.

What type are you? Are you all about the sex.. or is it something else? Find out in just a few minutes by answereing the questions as honestly as possible.

Take the test here

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Interview with Brian ( Red Light Center CEO) pt 3: The party at Sexy’s Bar

I was just *so* excited yesterday! I’d had a message from Brian conceding defeat on our bet and we’d set up a date and time for our first ‘in game’ meeting in the RLC world. At midnight London time we were to meet at a party I was arranging and take to the dance floor in front of my friends. Choosing the venue was easy for me. My personal favourite for an intimate party is Sexy’s Bar where, on a good night, you might find yourself mixing with most of the BelVane family (the 30 or so ‘xox girls’) some of the nicest and most loyal friends I have ever met. Well last night was a VERY good night at Sexy’s bar!

I went along early to check out the sound system (‘FRED’, our jukebox) and to make sure we had plenty of cheese and pineapple chunks on sticks. I needn’t have bothered of course as _SexyOne_ (bar owner) and FunBlonde (bar manager) are ALWAYS ready for a party to kick off and everything was in hand. Next I checked on the security arrangements, because I was worried about crowd control and the risk of gatecrashers. Again, I needn’t have worried because as I arrived I found RLC protector OpaGeo checking the place over and sweeping it for hidden cameras and mikes (at least that’s what he SAID he was doing when I found him in the ladies room with a mirror on a stick!).

So all set and with 2 hours still to go before my ‘guest of honour’ arrived I decided I had time to cut a few moves on the dance floor before slipping off to change and put on my party make-up. The trouble is of course that I can’t have just *one* dance, and as the bar filled up and the music sped up I kinda lost track of time. Even in this fantasy world of RLC a girl can’t get ready to host a party in 5 minutes flat – but that’s what I now had to do.

DAMMIT – almost midnight and I’d not decided what to wear yet. No time to ask the girls now cos the debate would take all night – I needed to decide for myself. Would it be the black evening gown I wear to the theatre and stuff? Nah! – too formal. What about ripped jeans and a cropped tee shirt? No – I wanna stand out a bit at my own party don’t I? I racked my Brains for anything that might suggest the right outfit to greet Brian in. Then I remembered something a friend had repeated to me earlier in the day – a bit of inside information on Brian that helped me make up my mind. What was it now ….. ? “Brian’s a bit of a dog at heart. A nice old dog, but a dog none the less!”. I pressed ‘customise’ and reached for my black latex trouser suit with the plunging neckline. If Brian was gonna be ogling anyone’s cleavage tonight it was gonna be mine!

So, fashionably late, after replying to several ‘where are you’ messages from Brian, I made my entrance at Sexy’s bar. The music was pumping, the floor was crowded and almost every table and yard of bar was occupied (by a pretty girl dancing on it). My big moment had come and in front of about 40 guests I gave Brian a polite greeting hug and led him out for a dance. I had spotted the looks he was getting from the other girls (and the looks he was giving one or two of them back) and I wasn’t gonna risk him getting distracted before I’d had a dance and a chat with him.

So then, I am pleased to report that Brian did deliver on his part of our bet. In fact he spent over an hour dancing with my friends and our guests before he had to slip away back to work. He left a room full of happy avatars practicing the new slow dance moves and comparing notes on what they’d discussed with him. He also left one particular girl with a big smile on her face, very content with the way the whole adventure had turned out.

As I said to Brian in my very first message to him, “I used to have a great life before I discovered RLC. Now I have two!”

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Interview with Brian ( Red Light Center CEO) pt 2: What REALLY happened!

I was worried that I was starting to lose Brian’s interest and I knew if I was to make any kind of lasting impression I was gonna have to think fast. ‘A challenge’, that’s it! – I decided I was gonna spice up the conversation a bit. “Are you a betting man” I asked, “do you like a challenge?”. I had his attention immediately, maybe I’d touched the right button at last. “What did you have in mind?” he replied (don’t you just hate non-committal answers? – lol). I floated an idea for him. In my job I do a lot of promotional work, mainly ‘self’ promotion as several people have pointed out. I suggested to Brian that his image needed a bit of a shine up and that I could use my influence to get his sexiness rating up in no time.

He’s now looking intrigued, but I’d not hooked him yet. Ever the shrewd businessman he was waiting to hear what the OTHER side of the bargain was before signing up to it. “In return” I continued, “…. If I can get you ten times as many sexyness points in seven days you have to dance with me at a private party I’m going to in RLC world!” I knew I had him straight away. The sparkle was back in Brian’s eyes and he perked up visibly. “Game on!” came the reply, surprisingly quickly, “I love parties - and we could use the new ‘slow dance’ feature I’ve been working on”.

“Oh f*ck” I thought to myself, “how the hell am I gonna manage this?”. He’s taken on my bet and I have not the first idea how to deliver my side. Still, no time to worry about that now because we are saying our goodbyes, paying the bill (HOW much!!!?) and going our separate ways.

I heard gentle knocking at my hotel room door the following morning. My friend Becky was making sure I was up and wanted to know if I was going down for breakfast. “I’ll join you in half an hour” I said, “I need to check something”. I walked over to my bedroom window on the 6th floor of the Holiday Inn and looked across Picadilly to the Ritz. The doorman was opening a taxi for a smartly dressed man to get in and the gentle rain was twinkling in the lights that cover the building. I could still hear knocking, ‘banging’ even, but it was inside my head. OH my aching head! I glared at the empty Pastis bottle on the table next to my trusty laptop computer. A memory stirred from its deep sleep. My eyes darted back towards the Ritz as the memory yawned back into life. It ‘was’ a dream wasn’t it? PLEASE tell me it was a dream and I haven’t done something really stupid!

In two strides I was back at the table, the sweet smell of aniseed still strong from the empty glass and bottle. I kicked the laptop out of sleep mode only to see Brian final message looking back at me. “Game on!”. I sat down fast and trawled back through last night’s messages to see what I’d agreed to. Had I sold him my soul? … or my body? If so, did I get a good price? With a little relief I discovered that it was all pretty much as I’d dreamt it, but with less afternoon tea and LOTS of after midnight alcohol. The friend request that I’d sent Brian just on a whim a while before had been accepted and we’d exchanged a few friendly messages. I’d then spiced it up with my challenge – and he had accepted. I didn’t appear to have signed a 5 year exclusive contract or anything, *ALL* I had to do was boost Brian’s sexyness rating ten fold in a week and I’d be in the clear.

So over breakfast, Becky and I hatched a plan. I would write a blog about what happened the night before and use it to ask my friends to visit Brian’s profile. If they like what they see they will rate him, if they don’t they won’t. I figured that if I kept that blog going for a week I could hit my target in that time. But OH how I underestimated my friends! Here we are, less than 48 hours after I posted the first instalment and I have reached the target already. Brian has ten times as many sexyness points as he had 2 days ago and I hereby claim my dance! As my good friend Robster might say, “Get your coat luv, you’ve pulled!”.

Oh and by the way Brian. Next time we have tea at The Ritz, it’s YOUR turn to pay!

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Interview with Brian ( Red Light Center CEO) pt 1: What should have happened

I had a very important visitor stop by the other day. Brian, yes I mean *THE* Brian who came up with the idea of RLC and has made all of this possible for us, stopped by to see me for a chat during a brief visit to London. It was a bit of a shock I must say, but I wasn’t gonna miss a chance like this to talk to the guy who had made it possible for me to make over 600 new friends, including my new best friend and best lover, Dana. Over afternoon tea at the Ritz Hotel, Mayfair, Brian and I chatted away like old friends. He was such a Gentleman and made me feel entirely at my ease as I watched the London traffic rushing by and sipped my cup of ‘Lady Grey’.

So what do you talk about with the CEO of RLC? I could have asked about the new 3D product and all of the new functions that will be added there soon – but there is plenty being written about all of that already. I could have asked about how he came to develop the RLC concept in the first place and what he did before, but his profile and a quick Google search of past interviews gave me all I needed there. Instead, I decided to get under his skin and find out a few secrets about him. I started with his home life and tried to find out if there was someone 'special' he's been keeping quiet about.

Well, it seems that Brian shares his life and his home with “Buddy” and they have been together for about 11 years. OK, well I certainly didn’t pick *that* up on Google, but I’m an open minded girl and didn’t want to appear shocked (or disappointed that all the best looking guys seem to be gay these days). Needless to say I was all ears by this point and longed to find out more - and I didn’t have to wait long. “In real life I'm attracted mostly to subs, goths and girls with tattoos and/or piercings” he went on “so much so that I got a nipple piercing myself and I’m planning to get my first tattoo soon!”.

Well by this point I was totally confused. Had I missed the point somewhere? Was Buddy just a pet name and ‘she’ is actually a pretty girl with jet black hair and lipstick? I perked up a bit at that thought and found the nerve to ask the question. “So what does Buddy think of your keen interest in girls from the ‘sub-culture’?”. He looked at me quizzically, then began to smile before dissolving into laughter. “Buddy? He doesn’t mind. Buddy is my cat!”.

After that embarrassment I thought I’d better stick to a safer line of questioning for a bit, so I asked Brian about his school days and what interested him then. More surprises – because it turned out that Brian was a child actor and at the age of seven he played Michael Banks in a stage production of Mary Poppins! Looking across the table at his rugged good looks and ‘come to bed’ eyes I found it difficult to imagine a half-pint sized Brian in his pyjamas being tucked up in his bed in the nursery by a Julie Andrews look-alike. I must have indulged myself with the thought for a few minutes none the less tho because I suddenly came to from my day dream when Brian offered me more tea.

I had to think of another question to fill the gap and all I could think of was to ask what other acting he had done. Again the smile from Brian, suggesting that the next one was NOT gonna be Oliver Twist. I was right! “I was once featured in an Infomercial called ‘How to Get the Woman You Want, with No Money Down’” He explained. “They paid me to hit on girls with a camera crew following me around”. Now ‘that’ I can relate to as I’ve been in a few ‘candid camera’ type films myself. Usually catching guys on camera as they try to sneak a look down my shirt ;-)

The rest of the interview flew by but contained no new scoops I’m afraid. The best I could drag out of him was that Brian is currently mastering ‘Guitar Hero’ and working out to ‘Dance Dance Revolution’. Needless to say I let him have a copy of my CD (clubland 7, see my profile pics) and said I would love to show him how to dance ‘properly’ one day ;-)

Well, if you wanna know how Brian reacted to that you are gonna have to wait for the next instalment! Suffice to say tho, by the time Brian and I have finished the ‘slow dance’ function on the new RLC server will be well and truly tested!

In the meantime, please visit Brian’s profile ( and rate his pics would ya? He’s a really sexy guy who has done so much for us all – lets all show him we love him!

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Cheating and Affairs

I think that it is very important to cover this topic in my blog so as to give you some perspective on the dynamics of these difficult situations. I am very nonjudgmental, and in my practice I work with people on all sides of this issue. Please do not read any further if you are stringently offended by this subject matter.

There are many different types of Affairs to consider. We have the situation where a single woman gets involved with the married man, the reverse of the same by gender, two married people becoming involved with each other outside of their marriage, and the brief encounter type of affair that is more like a fling, to name just a few.

Let’s examine the affair where a single woman starts to date a married man, knowingly. This scenario will not apply to any of the other “types” of affairs, but there is some cross-over to the other types.

We will focus on the involvement of a woman with a married man with full knowledge of his marital status, this will not apply to those cases where he misrepresents his marital status.

This situation is much more prevalent than most people think. A lot of people still think in the archaic mindset of the secret “mistress” being kept by the married man. This is extremely rare. Most “other women” are extremely self-sufficient and many times they are actually helping the married man meet his obligations in some way.

So, how does this all begin?

People fall in and out of love all of the time. Affairs of this nature can spring up when a marriage begins to turn stale or cold. Many times affairs like this can pop up without the wife ever even realizing that there is a problem. Sometimes we just can’t control who we fall in love with, or when. Of course there are the types of affairs where men cheat purely for sexual gratification, those types of affairs are rampant, but they are usually the fling type of affair and not the type where the married man builds an actual relationship with the single woman.

Let’s talk about the extramarital affair that occurs due to a pure attraction physically and emotionally to someone other than the original spouse. Frequently, when we are not having our needs met, we will seek to have those needs met wherever we can. The business of marriage is not the “happy ever after” story that many of us fantasized about during our youths, but a partnership in dealing with the business of living. Paying bills, raising children, shopping, housekeeping, financial planning, buying homes and other assets, this is what marriage truly boils down to. You do all of these things together, you share each other sexually and emotionally and perform the duties and tasks required to live from day to day, together. We sometimes can go on for years in a marriage, practicing the business of living, and someday, somehow, we manage to meet “someone else” and something within changes.

In the scenario I am presenting, there may be no major issues between the spouses to act as a catalyst for change, but in meeting this new person, sometimes a married man will feel that “old feeling” of falling in love again, and even though the marriage itself may appear stable, the foundation begins to crack.

Some men are of such high moral standards that they will never cheat, no matter what.

Some men hit a situation like this and are tempted, but do not go beyond the level of flirtation.

Some men hit a situation like this and do decide to pursue an affair, but they know that they will never divorce, they will just continue on with the marriage and the day to day business of it, and build a relationship concurrently with another woman. This is the ultimate in self gratification and honestly, it is the primary scenario that occurs. They do not want any disruption to the pitter patter of their daily lives with their wives and families, but they also want the gratification of the birth of the new relationship outside of the marriage. They may very well fall in love with the other woman, but, they will always find a reason not to leave the wife. This is a very dangerous situation for a single woman to be in if she truly wants a full-blown relationship with the man in question.

Time and time again these women will be let down, put on hold, asked to wait, or told point blank that the man is never going to leave by the man himself.

Then we have the final scenario.

This is the rarest of the extra-marital affair situations.

In this situation the married man actually does fall completely in love with the other woman and he does leave his wife. It does happen, although it is not the norm. I know of at least seven cases where the man in question did divorce and successfully move into the new relationship with the other woman, however, I know of no less than one hundred cases where the man never left the wife and continued to live a double life. I know this through personal experience and knowledge and also through my practice as an Advisor and Relationship Coach.

This last case is what most women who find themselves in this precarious position are hoping for, but honestly, it does not happen very often for a variety of reasons.

There are several things that you need to know if you allow yourself to take the risk of becoming involved with a married man on a relationship level.

Know that he will never be able to be brutally honest with you while he is still married. How can he be honest, he has to lie and steal time BOTH ways. He’s not going to give you the full story on his home life. The marriage may not even be difficult, it could just be “lackluster” and that could be why he is cheating. Odds are the married man is getting along with his wife much better than how he presents it to you. It is extremely rare for a married man to tell you that his relationship with his wife is amicable, so he will exaggerate any problems that may or may not exist.

Know that on his list of priorities that you will always be second behind his wife and if he has children, you will drop down to at least a priority three. This means that you will be dealing with a lot of cancellations, broken promises, missed calls and postponed events during this relationship. You will experience more last minute cancellations and postponements in a relationship like this than in any other type of relationship. If his wife decides, on the morning of the day that you two promised to spend together, perhaps even a special occasion like your birthday, that she needs him to go with her to the shopping outlets two hours out of town, he will be going shopping and you will be waiting at home alone. If he can’t break free to call you out of her earshot, you will be sitting by a silent phone wondering what happened.

In 90% of cases like this, discretion is a must. There are cases where the man may not care if he gets caught or not, or he may be somewhat of a risk taker for being found out, but these are rare.

No one likes to be cheated on, so even if he truly does intend to get a divorce at some future time, he is not going to willingly allow his future ex to build an arsenal of weaponry against him.

This means that your public time together will be limited at best, some couples in this situation do not socialize at all for fear of discovery, many travel out of town to see each other, etc. Don’t expect to be able to do the “normal” things like going to a popular restaurant in your locality where you might bump into mutual acquaintances etc., be prepared to accept a very clandestine social life together. Some people find this exciting and romantic, but usually the women get to a point where they do want some normalcy after a time. This may never happen for you.

Expect to spend all major holidays alone. You will have to schedule your New Year your Christmas etc. on days that aren’t actually the holiday as it is very rare for the married man to be able to make contact at these times. It makes for a lonely existence.

The most frequently told lies by married men are that they no longer have sex with their wives and that they do not sleep in the same room in the house as their wives, perhaps they say they have a separate bedroom or that they sleep on the couch. This is utter nonsense. If they are still married, they are having sex, it may be perfunctory sex and it may not be frequent, but they are still having sex. As far as sleeping arrangements go, that’s a lot of baloney as well, if they are still married, in the same home, they are sharing that bed in the master bedroom.

The most frequently used excuses for not getting a divorce even though they love you are that they are concerned about their finances, they are waiting for the kids to graduate high school, they are waiting for the kids to finish college, they are waiting until after their daughter gets married, has a baby, their son launches his law practice, etc. etc. etc. The list is never ending because there is always a future responsibility or concern within a family, and his wife is part of that family.

If a man wants a divorce, he will get one. It will not matter how old his children are, how far along they are in their pregnancies or law practices, he will file.

Does the married man love you? If this has been going on for some time and the time you spend together consists of more than just sexual experiences, then it is possible that he does.

Will he leave his wife? In the majority of cases, the answer is no.

If you are entering into or already in a situation like this, you have two choices, either accept it as is and realize the down side of the situation or tell him you are ending it if he doesn’t get a divorce, and end it until he does. Those are the choices. That’s it. You don’t wait, you don’t give him time. And while he is married you should definitely not be exclusive to him, you should continue to date other people, preferably single, until he can be exclusive to you. Period.

And remember this, while he has the support and companionship of his wife as he goes about paying his mortgage and his light bill and buying a new car and feeding the cat and walking the dog, YOU are alone, and must handle the mundane matters of life ALONE. This is a very difficult way to live, and usually you can't just pick up a phone and call the married man in question, you have to communicate on some sort of "schedule". If you can avoid this situation, please do so.

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How to apply to become a Red Light Center guide

So you want to be a guide? Being a volunteer for Utherverse can be a very exciting and enjoyable experience. By becoming a volunteer, you're becoming part of an awesome team of people with the same willingness to help as you.

The first step is to apply to be a guide. We are now pleased to introduce the Volunteer Guide application system online. Starting now, you can fill out your application and not have to worry about pesky word documents and sending various emails back and forth.

Go to: and fill out the application. Once submitted, you should receive a confirmation email. After that, you're in the system.

Applying couldn't be easier, so go ahead and apply now.

All applicants must be a VIP member for at least 30 days and speak English enough to converse with members.

All applications will be reviewed and considered, however not all will be approved. Currently, new guides are brought on in groups, and not individually. Just because you might not make one round doesn't mean you are out of the running.

As a guide, you will be helping members new and old. This includes giving tours, answering questions, etc... The "benefits" of being a guide are the satisfaction of helping members to have a better experience while in-world.

While becoming a guide is the first step in advancement in the program, this is no guarantee that you will be promoted to a higher level. Promotions are based on various collective reasons such as performance, attitude, and much more. Time spent in-world is not an automatic qualifier although it does of course have a bearing on it to a degree.

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